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The butler’s got jam on his Rolls… (five things) February 27, 2006

Posted by boltzmann in Uncategorized.

1. “To the Trains” is progressing. I have almost completed the drum track, and it should be relatively plain sailing after that. I still don’t have a clue what the final result will sound like but I’m still quite sure that it will be the best Masker song yet, and will easily warrant a purchase of the forthcoming Bakerloo EP.

2. There are two lab coats in my wardrobe. One is old, soiled and adorned with crazy sixth-form scrawlings. The other is used for Tube Challenge purposes, and I have begun to customise it as such a garment. I decided to use fabric paints for this task, the only viable alternative being applique, which could be rather difficult.

I began by drawing the outline of the familiar London Underground roundel logo on the back of the coat in pencil, and again on the front, spanning the whole chest. Then I took my Pebeo Setacolor Transparent fabric paints and began to daub the blue one liberally onto the coat, beginning with the blue bar on the front roundel.

I found immediately that the colour would not brush onto the fabric (100% cotton) particularly readily. A lot of paint was required before the paint would “work”, by which time the fabric had absorbed all of the paint on the brush through osmosis, a small area had been painted and the brush needed loading up with paint again. Eventually, though, I filled in the 35×7 cm rectangle with blue paint.

Still, something was up. The paint was not evenly applied, and needed blending slightly within the rectangle. “No problem”, thinks I, brandishing a damp brush and setting about the blending process.

All goes well until I get near to one of the edges with an overentusiastically-watery brush, and bleedage occurs. Nnnnoooooooooooooooo!
My options at this point were thus:
a. Cover it at a later date with opaque white.
b. Paint a brass-coloured outline around the whole logo, like the signs you see at stations.
c. Do the same thing all the way around so it looks like it’s meant to be like that.

I opted for c.

Let this be a lesson to you, kids: Go for the opaque paints in the first place, and don’t do anything stupid. I’m going to do the red circle tonight.

3. On Thursday, a few of the Crew of Steel (no, there is no such posse, I just made it up) attended the UCL pub quiz. The quiz was mainly centred around entertainment and popular culture.

Serial idiot, Al Murray, who I incidentally hate because he once insulted my magnificent Genesis make-up at a Re-Genesis show.

The rounds were thus:
Millionaire (multiple choice answers, mainly entertainment-centric)
Miscellaneous (most of which were about entertainment)
Picture round (two Odd One Outs and a series of anagrams).

We ended up finishing joint 14th out of about 25 stoats, which wasn’t terrible but certainly wasn’t good either! This was due mainly to the fact that we got about 2 out of 10 on the Music round, which consisted mainly of obscure R ‘n’ B tracks. Probably. We didn’t know. Sorry, did I say “stoats”? I meant “teams”.

Still, the warriors from KCL will be back to show those UCL thugs a lesson or two. One of these days. Just as soon as we brush up on our Kanye West…

Alcohol-related rants after the More…

4. I can almost understand them charging £3.20 in a central London bar for a 330ml bottle of lager, but £5.50 for a Martini and lemonade is excessive, especially since when I say “Martini and lemonade”, I mean “glass of ice, with a splash of lemonade and a light drizzle of Martini by hand from a bottle”. I doubt there were many more millilitres present in the drink than there would be in a standard measure, and I would be surprised if any alcohol measure guidelines can be followed or at all enforced when this haphazard method of drink administration is employed. Granted, it wasn’t me who was drinking the Martini anyway, but it was me who bought it. At least we didn’t encounter the £10 entry fee…

5. In a similar vein, what kind of scumbag attends toilets for a living? I don’t mean cleaners, but those useless arses who sit there with their selection of aftershaves and paper towels, who think that turning on a tap for you and handing you a paper towel is worth some absurd tip or other. I quote Simon, “the day I need help taking a piss is the day you can shoot me in the head”. Wise words, although I fear that day will come to most of us!!!

The bog-trolls can be easily avoided in a number of ways:
a. When the attendant turns a tap on for you, simly turn a different tap on yourself and use that one instead. Then they haven’t got grounds to ask for your money.
b. Take your own tissue from the cubicles and dry your hands with that, in front of the attendant, with a smug grin.
c. Switch on the hand-dryer and use that instead.



1. *version-3-point-1 - February 28, 2006

Kanye West?! Who is that ragamuffin anyway?

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