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Spoof Problem Sheet Two *March 1, 2006*

*Posted by boltzmann in Uncategorized.*

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Following the success of Spoof Problem Sheet One, I decided to produce a second problem sheet. You should like this if you’re of scientific persuasion.

**Assignment 2**

**COMPLETE ASSIGNMENT 4 BEFORE ATTEMPTING THIS PROBLEM SHEET!!
DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS PROBLEM SHEET UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!**

1. I butter a piece of toast t and apply the jam j. After time t0,the toast falls to the floor (linoleum) at angles q, f from the horizontal and vertical respectively. It is assumed, for the purposes of dramatic effect, that time runs as in the rest frame of the toast, i.e. apparently in slow-motion, as viewed from my despairing face. Before long, the bottom-left corner strikes the ground at maximum toast velocity vt, the jam splatters against the cupboard door, crumbs fly like sparks from a flint and my effort W expended over the past T = 5 minutes is thus completely ruined. I put my head in my hands *h1* and *h2*, and I begin to weep. My tears begin to fall to the linoleum floor and splash onto the shattered toast. The diffuse sunlight from the cracks in the blind (of width* a*, separation *d*) dances playfully across my perfect snack as it lies in state *S’*, the fruit of all my broken dreams. I cast my eyes to the heavens, and I scream at volume *V*, “Why hast thou forsaken me?”

(a) Why hast the Lord forsaken me? Discuss quantitatively.

(b) Assume toast coefficient *T(toast)*. Sketch a graph of the toast as it completes its everyday journey to and from the coast.

**More questions after the More…**

2. A very large system is made up of N very large oscillators (with N very large), each with large energy levels n (imagine n is very large, which it is very clearly very not). Verily, there can be a division in the quantum number of the quanta such that the very large n can *supersede *(in terms of U/n) those very large quanta distributed around the very oscillators!!! Fascinating.

(a) Take a look at this *unusual* equation:

3. N identical items are arranged to lie on a simple crystallised-ginger pie with lattice crust (of lattice constant a). Then M of these identical items (which are all exactly the same) are moved such that the centre of the pie begins to slowly collapse due to the space-time distortion present therein. The identical items include, amongst other things, a key, an egg, an identical boomerang, a pygmy llama, a Jack Russell terrier, a wall-mounting bracket for a Phillips SB270 satellite dish and more than eight identical bananas. The pie is baked at gas mark 5. Show that, when the items are arranged and all participants touch the glass simultaneously, words can be spelt out on the surface of the pie via the medium of the séance. Furthermore, show that the longest possible word is “eggbound”.

4. A system NPQU(v-1, u-1, z-1)Z is configured thusly:

system –> –> –> –> p

(a) Distinguish indistinguishably between the most distinguished particles in the system, and show that the indistinguishable distinguishment D cannot be distinguished when the indistinguishability I is postulated to be distinguishable at indistinguishment lower than the Boltzmann segnomin s.

(b) Prove that the spirrims Q1 and Q2 are present and correct at the bounds of the system.

(c) Devise a simple machine to “materialise” the system and quantitatively quantise the quantum quanta *qn*.

That’s the last of your problems.

I agree with all of the above.

Me too!